Mark your calendars: Wednesday, March 20, 7:02 a.m.
That is the official first day of spring, the Vernal Equinox.
According to those who know, the Vernal Equinox is the time in spring when the tilt of the Earth's axis is inclined neither away from nor towards the Sun, the center of the Sun being in the same plane as the Earth's equi...blah blah blah bladityblah blah...
What does it really mean?
The days are getting longer and warmer, baseball is starting, and I don't have to worry about dragging wood into the house - or more precisely, I don't have to watch my wife drag wood into the house anymore.
I'm not sure if I mentioned it before, but I do not like cold weather.
I don't like anything about it - the long sleeves, the heavy coats, the snow, or the ice. None of it.
So, on March 20, just after 7 a.m., I will be a happy man.
There's something special about springtime, and even more so in this part of the country.
Many people like to make jokes about Arizona - the dust, the rocks, and the desert - but for a fella who grew up in the city, there's nothing quite like that stuff they call nature.
Our little stretch of Highway 89, both south of town leading into Prescott, and north of town, running to and past Paulden, transform.
They turn from a brown, windswept wasteland to...well, a not so brown, but still windswept, wild and sunflower-filled pasture.
Maybe some of you don't see the big deal, but where I came from the side of the highway was reserved for beer cans and shopping carts, with a rusted out Pinto thrown in for fun. So when I drive down the highway and look out over a field of sunflowers, to me, that's spring.
Lots and lots of colors...which also means mosquitoes, pollen, mowing the weeds, and spring cleaning (or watching someone do spring cleaning, which is almost as tiring as actually doing the spring cleaning).
Well, at least we have baseball to look forward to, which means...writing stories about baseball...
And that's technically work.
So, springtime means yard work, itchy eyes, runny noses, and more typing.
Wait a minute here.
The coming of spring is supposed to be a good thing, not getting sick and working more.
How can we fix this?
First off - those fields of wildflowers? Pave them over.
As far as I know, pollen doesn't come from asphalt, so a big stretch of blacktop between Chino and the airport would cut down on hay fever, eliminating the cost of allergy medicine, and therefore saving me money so I don't have to work as much.
And that means I don't have to cover as many baseball games, so my typing is cut way, way down.
But what about the view? Who wants to look at miles and miles of asphalt?
We could dress up the highway with, say, some colorful cans and shiny chrome carts, or....
Maybe on March 20, I'll just sleep in with a box of Kleenex and a bottle of Benadryl.
I'll get up when the equinox goes back to where she came from.
Posted: Friday, March 8, 2013
Article comment by:
Keep up the GREAT work. I read your column often and I always enjoy your entertaining writing style, unique perspective and well-written articles. I also appreciate your near-perfect grammar.
I must confess: I tend to judge the intelligence and believability of a writer based, in part, on sentence structure and spelling. IMHO you seem to possess an abundance of both, unlike the SCREAMING MEANIE whose post appears below my own.
ROLL MODEL? Really?? Would that be a Kaiser roll or a jelly roll??? YOUR NOT IT. (You're not either, Mike.) I suppose sometimes it's better to keep your laptop shut and let people think you're a fool, than to start typing and remove all doubt.
Posted: Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Article comment by:
MATT I'M SORRY, BUT AFTER READING THIS NEITHER MY WIFE OR MYSELF CAN HAVE ANY RESPECT FOR YOU. IN FACT WE SUBMIT YOUR NAME FOR WUSS OF THE YEAR AWARD. YOU COULD NOT DEAL WITH WINTER COLD, HOW HARD IS FIRE WOOD. NOW SPRING YOU CAN'T DEAL WITH THAT EITHER. BUT WAIT, 100% CHANCE OF SNOW FRIDAY NIGHT / SATURDAY MORNING. 1 - 3 INCHES. BETTER HAVE THE KIDS BRING IN SOME WOOD. SEE READERS LOOK FOR A ROLL MODEL. YOUR NOT IT. I THINK A RETIRED MARINE MIGHT DO BETTER.
Editor's note: Matt's column is meant to be humorous. We're pretty sure he doesn't make his wife or child carry in the firewood.