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home : opinions : opinions April 28, 2016

1/2/2013 8:43:00 AM
So, what's in a number?

Matt Santos

Certain numbers hold a very specific meaning:

911: emergency

411: information

5-0: ever since McGarrett and Danno, it has meant the police.

90210: The ultimate in zip codes of the 1990's.

And then, the numbers that never really blossomed:

2001: Space age, flying cars, robots in every house. I'm still waiting for my jet pack.

Remember Space 1999? Yep, never happened.

When I was growing up, we all shared the same 415 area code. San Francisco, Oakland, and most of the bay area - all 415. Then some braniac decided that my area would become 510, and then 925. This created a division of sorts, the 415's thinking they were up here (hand in the air), the rest of us were way down here (hand, well, down here).

So why the sudden interest in numbers?


That's the graduating year of those kids who will enter high school next fall, and that's just nuts.

I know that only because I sat through a presentation recently encouraging current eighth graders to attend Chino Valley High School. I would not have known that any other way, mainly because I can't count that high.

Not two thousand and seventeen, but eight, as in eighth grade. My limit is seven.

I am deeply disturbed about this, and before letters and phone calls start rolling in, yes, I know I'm disturbed about a lot of things, but this is pretty high on the list.

2017 should not be a graduating year.

2017 should be reserved for things like...annual salaries (at least in the newspaper business), and weights of small cars, not graduating years for high school students.

So what will happen between now and the time these kids graduate high school?

Here's what I think:

Money will be obsolete. This actually was predicted many, many years ago. Back in the olden days, when very few people carried bank cards - usually reserved for the very rich and sophisticated who carried the Diners Club in their wallet - some predicted that all transactions would be processed by microchips, or little pieces of plastic everyone would carry with them, therefore, no cash.

That's not what I mean, because most of us now carry little or no actual currency. What I foresee is that money - of all kinds - will disappear. What we now call money, cash, coin, whatever, will be completely worthless.

So to help out, I am offering to you all the chance to clear out your trash, empty your wallets, and send all of your so called "dollars" to me, Matt Santos, at P.O. Box 428, Chino Valley, AZ 86323. Mind you, I do this, not out of some selfish, greedy reason, but as a public service.

That's just the kind of guy I am.

Next, the changing face of beauty. Over the centuries, the idea of beauty has changed - the "perfect" figure of ancient Greece was far different from the "perfect 10" of the 20th Century.

During the Renaissance period, it was considered very attractive for women to pluck out their hair to give the impression of a receding hairline. Now? Not so much.

What will the 2017 sexiest man on earth look like? My prediction is an overweight, bald man with a spaghetti stain on his shirt.

Just like a few years back when ripped up jeans became all the rage, Hawaiian print shirts pre-stained with gravy spots will be featured in all the fashion shows.

Sports? I predict the Raiders will win the Sup....

Who am I kidding... The Raiders?

I'm better off waiting for my jet pack.

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