In the course of my job, I routinely visit our local schools. During these visits I'm made aware of many things, including how much talent and energy our local kids have.
I get to see the passion that many of our teachers have for the subjects they teach, and how supportive the parents of Chino Valley and Paulden are.
But you know what I notice most?
I'm getting really old and I just don't like it.
I know, every time I say that, someone will come up to me and remind me that to them, I'm just a kid, but that doesn't change the fact that lots of stuff has changed since I was in school.
This fact was brought home recently when I ran across a list of new words that Merriam-Webster has added to the dictionary for 2012.
Words are, or should be, a constant. I never really think about them as changing. The same 26 letters have been used for a long, long time, so putting them in different orders to make words should be pretty much the same, year in, year out.
But no, new fangled things need new fangled words, so Mr. Webster (or Mrs. if her first name is Merriam) decided to mix it up a little.
So what's new for 2012? Here's just a few-
Earworm: "A song or melody that keeps repeating in one's mind."
Mash-Up: "Something created by combining elements from two or more sources."
Gassed: "A slang word meaning drained of energy."
Sexting: Family paper, figure it out.
%#!@&: See above (not sure if this will make it past the editor, so if there's a big empty space right here, call me later- ext. 1601- and I'll explain.)
Man-Cave: "A room or space designed for the man of the house."
There also are new definitions of existing words, like "Underwater." Just think mortgages.
Also added in recent years were gigabyte, spyware, energy drink, cloud computing, ringtone, cell phone, texting, hard drive, unibrow, supersize, google, and of course, internet.
I just can't keep up. At the risk of soon not being able to communicate with my own son, who is quickly passing me up on the vocabulary charts, I've decided that I will teach him none of these new, and I'm sure faddish, words. He'll just have to wait until I'm a goner before he grows intellectually.
So here's my list for him to learn over the next few months:
Talkies: It's what plays at the moving picture show.
Horseless carriage: What we drive to the moving picture show.
Trousers: What you wear when we get in the horseless carriage and go to the moving picture show.
Popcorn: HA!- tricked you. A classic that never changes.
Soda Pop: What you drink, while eating popcorn at the motion picture show, but don't want to spill on your trousers or in the rumble seat of the horseless carriage. I can go on like this all day, but I think you get my point.
I don't like change, and worse than that, I don't like getting older, so from this point on I refuse to age or learn anything new.
Now leave me alone, my programs are on.
I just love that Fred Allen.
Matt Santos is the reporter for the Chino Valley Review. Contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org.