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home : opinions : commentary February 6, 2016

2/13/2013 9:14:00 AM
Snow, snow go away, come again....never

Matt Santos

It's cold.

Very cold.

I do not now, nor do I think I ever will, like the cold.

My childhood was spent in an area where a cold snap was anything below 50 degrees, and snow was what we got when the rabbit ears on the TV broke (fixed with a coat hanger and tin foil).

As I'm typing this, there are approximately three inches of snow spread out over about three feet of porch, separating me from a big ole' pile of firewood outside my front door.

A veritable blizzard.

Schools and highways should be closed until the spring thaw.

Inside my fireplace, the main source of heat at my home, the logs that were not too long ago a blazing inferno are now slowly smoldering into a pile of ash.

I know this can be fixed by putting on some shoes, throwing on a jacket, and carefully walking out to the front yard and grabbing a few logs, but it's late, and as I said, it's cold.

And I'm lazy.

All my shoes are in the bedroom and unfortunately, my coat - or coats - are all in the car.

Over the past several days, when I've left the house, it was cold, so I was wearing a coat. When I get home, it's not so cold, so the coats have piled up in the car.

Did I mention I'm lazy?

So here I am, with no shoes and a car full of coats, and a fireplace that's not going to get any warmer on its own.

I'm weighing my options, and since its now just after midnight, I'm leaning towards waking my wife up so she can go get a log or two.

I would borrow her shoes and coat, but that would only result in squished toes and having to buy her a new coat, so, obviously, waking her up to get wood is the only logical choice, so here goes...

OK, I'm back, and I have discovered a couple of things.

1 - My wife evidently has some unreasonable hatred of wood I previously knew nothing about; and,

2 - She has been working on a new vocabulary list. I think she has mastered it.

What are my options? I could just grit my teeth and man up, but I always enjoy a good challenge, and, have I mentioned it's cold outside?

Had I really thought it through, I could have grabbed my shoes when I was in the bedroom, but now it's too late. I'm not going back in there anytime soon.

My son has only been asleep for five hours or so, maybe I could wake him up to grab my shoes.

Or better yet, how many logs do you think a 3-year-old can carry?

Just kidding. He's got little arms and would have to make too may trips.

With all those trips, opening and closing the door, it would only make the house, and therefore me, colder.

Maybe if he used his wagon?

I guess it's up to me, and my only footwear option is my rubber flip flops by the door, so here goes experiment number two....

OK. I'm back, and unfortunately this didn't go any better than the bedroom expedition. On the bright side, I again have learned a few things.

1 - Toes get really cold when you wear rubber slippers in the snow; and,

2 - When I bang my frozen toe on a brick I'm pretty sure I could beat my wife in a spelling bee.

Note to my editor: If it's snowing in the morning, I'm staying home until someone brings me my shoes.

Or until my kid can carry more wood.

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