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Chino Valley Review | Chino Valley, Arizona

home : opinions : commentary January 25, 2015

10/24/2012 9:22:00 AM
Winter is bearing down on Chino Valley, but never fear, this reporter has a plan

Matt Santos

It's coming and there is nothing we can do about it.

No telethon, no email campaign, no march on the courthouse square.

We just have to suck it up and realize that, yes, winter is coming.

Chilly nights are here, shorter days are upon us, frost is just around the corner, and I don't like it a bit.

Perfect weather for me would be a high 90s average with a cold snap in the low 80s.

I know, I could just move to Phoenix, but that would require driving in traffic (something I hate worse than winter), and loading up all the boxes I still haven't unpacked from my last move (something I hate worse than traffic).

So here I sit, in Chino Valley, knowing that I will have to start wearing shoes all the time, not just while at work, and force myself to close windows and stop falling asleep in the front yard.

This realization hit me in the face recently while driving down Road 5 North.

I was enjoying a nice, sunny Arizona morning when, out of nowhere, snow-capped mountains appeared on the horizon. I was so shaken up at the sight that it took a minute to realize that sobbing sound was coming from me.

Some of you may think this was a beautiful, picturesque sight, but guess what? You're wrong.

Snow is only a good thing when it is shaped into little squares and placed in a tall glass.

I am a firm believer that if man were meant to live in snow, we would all be covered in a thick pelt of hair, not just that one guy I saw at the river a couple of weeks ago - I swear, it looked like he was wearing a poodle sweater, but that's a whole other column.

Anyway, for the most part, cold weather requires extra clothes, which requires shopping, which I hate almost as much as traffic, moving, and people who wear poodle sweaters at the beach.

So I've been working on a possible solution.

Since I can't stop winter, I will look for ways to stop me from being around winter.

First up, town council meetings: I recently found a box at work with meeting minutes from about 10 years ago. Many of the same issues were being discussed, some by the same people discussing them now.

Solution? Let's postpone all council meetings until April. Or May. Or 2016.

Sporting events: Most winter sports take place indoors, but there's that whole getting in the car, driving to the gym, getting out of the car thing. So I've been thinking, maybe we can talk to the school and set up a couple of hoops in front of my house.

I could sit and look out my window with some snow cubes in a glass and catch the games that way.

Wrestling can come on in. Between the living room and the hallway, I think we got you covered.

News events: Well, most of them are bad news anyway, you know, accidents and fires and stuff, so let's just not have any for a while.

We can even dispense with bad news in spring and summer, too.

Chamber mixers and lunches? Well, if you don't mind stepping over a wrestler or two, come on over, we can re-heat in my microwave.

I guess if I can get the rest of the town to play along, winter won't be so bad after all.

Matt Santos is the reporter for the Chino Valley Review.

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